More Gratitude

So it hasn't exactly been the best couple of weeks for me. I think it has as much to do with the cold dark early as anything, but I have been WAY too focused on what I can't do, can't have, etc. Which really stinks. Made worse by the fact that I love to indulge myself by sulking.

So I want to share two ways that God encouraged me this week. We were listening to the sermon (which was great, as usual), and the passage closed with the verse where Christ tells his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest" (Matthew 9:37-38). I think this was really God speaking right to me. Among the many don't-do's and can't-do's that oppress me has sprung up the conviction that I am too shy in sharing my faith -- particularly with people whom I know are not Christians. I'm pretty sure that most of my guilt trips are straight from the devil, but I believe that I really and truly do need to be more proactive in speaking about Jesus. What I'm not sure is how to do that. I don't want to walk around banging people over the head with the Gospel, but at the same time, I have been waiting for YEARS, without success, for pagans to walk up to me and say, "Hey, tell me all about this Saviour of yours and why he's so great!" The answer to my dilemma was, of course, freakishly obvious. PRAY ABOUT IT. So that's what I'm doing -- praying for opportunities -- conversations or whatever -- and courage and wisdom to share what I believe most deeply -- and that God would make those glaringly obvious because of my dingbat tendencies. That's one request I know He will bless!


After the sermon, Pastor Larson asked, in the closing prayer, that God would help all of us to be faithful in the work before us, remembering that we are ultimately working for Him, and for His purposes, even in the little things. I wasn't really encouraged by that, because I have been kind of discouraged at work lately and I didn't want anyone telling me to suck it up and do my job. Not even God! I have loved brilliance and hated the hard work that goes into it. Sometimes I feel like I am filing paperwork when I should be learning to write the Great American Novel, or something. I am SO grateful for my job, but it can be frustrating in that it is both very simple and repetitive, and yet so high volume that I often feel inadequate. I KNOW that my "real job" is helping my family, and that God has a reason for the tasks and relationships He's given me at work, but dammit, I want to paint a masterpiece, not sit here drawing circles and circles and circles.

And then I started having stories again, and poems. The kind that buzz in your brain and in your fingers until you get out of bed at midnight to write them. I'm not unselfish enough yet to joyously offer writing as a sacrifice. And right now it seems like God is telling me I don't have to either-or, I can both. It is a small and a deep, deep gift. I'm nowhere near the Great Novel or anything, but writing, I don't worry anymore about What I Should Be Doing.


So maybe it hasn't been the best couple of weeks, but I have a lot to be thankful for.


And God isn't just good to ME, either. My Dear Husband is FINISHED with Biochem! On to the next class, but that is a great one to have out of the way. I am super proud and happy for him.